I don’t remember a time when I have woken up and stretched my limbs and said to myself, “What a great night’s sleep. I feel so refreshed and energized for the day ahead.” Nope. Those words have never left my mouth. It’s possible that when I was younger that I slept better, but I don’t remember those days. I started to notice a serious problem with my sleep seven years ago. I suffered from insomnia, nightmares and an inability to have any sort of restful sleep. I continued to wake up feeling extremely tired and never felt refreshed or energized. I was extremely tired throughout the day and irritable. All I wanted to do was sleep and my body/mind just wouldn’t allow that to happen. I wanted to take naps at work and at home. I just wanted any chance to try and get some sleep.
I started to share my symptoms with my primary care doctor, in the hope that she could help. However, she felt that the problem was psychological, primarily because of the nightmares. I continued to go through this battle between my doctors and psychiatrists over medications for sleep and working out issues that may be causing the nightmares, over a five to six year period. I was also subjected to numerous sleep studies. Now let me comment, briefly, on sleep studies. In theory, sleep studies are a great tool to uncover a person’s sleep problems. However, if you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and anxiety like I do, they are horrifying. Let me explain.
You are sent to a sleep center in some shopping center or medical complex. Hmmm how secure is that? Your brain is connected to numerous wires via a paste so that your brain waves can be monitored. This is very uncomfortable. Not only are these wires attached to your brain, but all over your face, legs, arms and chest. Next, a plastic tubing is stuck inside your nostrils. This is apparently supposed to resemble sleep that is comparable to your normal sleep environment. Really? I am unsure how this is so. Lastly, you are to sleep in a bed where who knows if the sheets are clean and a camera is staring right at you, watching your every move. Oh and remember when I mentioned that I can’t sleep without my husband? Well he wasn’t allowed to stay. So I am alone and uncomfortable, with people staring at me. Sure, this is exactly like home.
Needless to say, these studies were not successful. About two years ago, I finally found a doctor who listened and made me feel comfortable. He performed sleep studies in his immaculate office complex and my husband could stay with me. I made it through the study! The results showed that I had a variety of sleep disorders. Fairly severe sleep apnea was among them. He recommended that I start CPAP therapy right away. I did just that. At first, it seemed to be helpful. Well, just as luck would have it, my asthma started to progress at around that time. The CPAP machine aggravated my lungs. After about 20 minutes of using the machine, I would get severe asthma attacks and need my rescue inhalers. I had to stop the CPAP therapy.
The only other treatment for sleep apnea is an oral appliance, which my insurance does not cover and is very expensive. I am trying to figure out a way to see if my doctor can work with my insurance to show that CPAP is not an option because of my asthma. But until then, my sleep apnea is not being treated. My husband has noticed that I stop breathing more and more at night. This is a very scary reality. But not as scary as what happened a few days ago.
My husband and I share a car right now, so I take him to work in the morning and then head to my job. Lately, I have been so tired. I am trying to go to bed earlier each night, but that doesn’t seem to help. The other day I began dozing off as I was headed to my job. I just couldn’t keep my eyes open. I tried everything I could to keep my peepers popped open wide, but nothing was working. I decided the best thing to do was to pull off to the side of the road. However the cars started to become very blurry on the freeway that I couldn’t make them out and each lane was packed so I couldn’t switch lanes. I started to panic. The next thing I knew, I was jolted awake and a man emerged from a vehicle in front of me. Apparently I FELL ASLEEP WHILE I WAS DRIVING AND CAUSED AN ACCIDENT. I fell asleep while I was driving. How does that even happen? I was in a state of total shock. The day before, I was dozing off as well and made my way into another person’s lane.
At this point driving scares me. It scares me a lot. I am not only a danger to myself, but to everyone else who is on the road. The reason? Extreme exhaustion from untreated sleep apnea. I was extremely lucky. I could have died. Or worse, I could have killed another human being. The lesson here is pretty clear: I need to find a way to get adequate rest, and get it quick. I need to find a way to treat my sleep apnea or it could mean my life. Until those things happen, I cannot get behind the wheel. I wouldn’t be a responsible individual if I did. If for any reason you feel overly tired, disoriented, or have blurry vision, don’t get behind the wheel. It could mean your life or the life of someone else.
Until next time,
Sam
A Forever Patient: A Day in the Life 