If the term “mental health” is associated with a negative connotation for you, you aren’t alone. You are also not alone if the first thought that enters your mind when you hear that phrase is someone talking to animal crackers, crying to a psychologist while sitting on a couch or taking millions of pills a day in order to stay with the majority of us in reality. However, as I have struggled with my own mental health issues over the years, I have realized there is a lot that people do not know about the many facets of mental health, things I still don’t know and struggle to accept and stereotypes I had to overcome in order to first seek treatment.
I had a very dysfunctional, unhealthy and simply awful childhood. As a result, I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I suffer from nightmares and very upsetting and bizarre dreams. I also have difficulty trusting others and their intentions and as a result, struggle to maintain numerous friendships.
I have also been diagnosed with anxiety. I suffered from panic attacks as a child and continue to do so, however less frequently now. My anxiety manifests as racing thoughts, insecurity, paranoia, extreme worry and fear. I can not take a shower or sleep at my house unless my husband is home.
I have thirdly been diagnosed with a bi-polar depression. I have fits of rage, mood swings and periods of moderate to severe depression. However, everything that has been described is controlled through the use of medication. There is one extremely serious contingency though: I need to remember to take it and make it a priority to fill the prescriptions at the pharmacy.
Recently I had a fairly severe episode of withdraw from not taking my medication that controls for the bi-polar depression that I suffer from. I had forgotten (remember the fog brain?) to take it for a couple days, and then made other things a priority instead and didn’t have the funds to pay for the medication once I realized I had run out. I soon realized I was in for some trouble. This is not the first time this has happened with this particular medication. I always begin to get lightheaded and have dizzy spells a few days after I haven’t taken my prescription. That then leads to depression, then rage and then something that will trigger days of a complete meltdown. I am no longer the same person once I hit meltdown mode and there is no reasoning with me. I become someone who thinks that everyone is out to get me and/or try to hurt me and feels as though others don’t understand what I am trying to explain. I am also very unreasonable.
Just to be clear, I take medication for all the above related conditions, and there are consequences for forgetting to take any of them. What is ironic is that when I was first diagnosed with these conditions, I was dead set against taking any medication. I didn’t want to be that person who let a mental illness define you by taking medication. I soon realized that the exact opposite is true. A mental illness defines you if you don’t reign it in, understand it, control it and manage it. Be it through medication or whatever means makes sense for you. In my case taking medication prevents my conditions from defining me and taking over my life. So often I become wrapped up in my physical ailments and the latest medical mystery, that I forget that my mental health is just as important, maybe more so.
I spent a long time feeling too embarrassed to admit that I needed help and being open to different treatment options. If you can relate to this, don’t let this happen to you. Make your mental health a priority so your illness doesn’t take over your life and become the only thing people can define you as.
Until next time,
Sam
A Forever Patient: A Day in the Life 