When Having Sleep Apnea Becomes Deadly

I don’t remember a time when I have woken up and stretched my limbs and said to myself, “What a great night’s sleep. I feel so refreshed and energized for the day ahead.” Nope. Those words have never left my mouth. It’s possible that when I was younger that I slept better, but I don’t remember those days. I started to notice a serious problem with my sleep seven years ago. I suffered from insomnia, nightmares and an inability to have any sort of restful sleep. I continued to wake up feeling extremely tired and never felt refreshed or energized. I was extremely tired throughout the day and irritable. All I wanted to do was sleep and my body/mind just wouldn’t allow that to happen. I wanted to take naps at work and at home. I just wanted any chance to try and get some sleep.

I started to share my symptoms with my primary care doctor, in the hope that she could help. However, she felt that the problem was psychological, primarily because of the nightmares. I continued to go through this battle between my doctors and psychiatrists over medications for sleep and working out issues that may be causing the nightmares, over a five to six year period. I was also subjected to numerous sleep studies. Now let me comment, briefly, on sleep studies. In theory, sleep studies are a great tool to uncover a person’s sleep problems. However, if you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and anxiety like I do, they are horrifying. Let me explain.

You are sent to a sleep center in some shopping center or medical complex. Hmmm how secure is that? Your brain is connected to numerous wires via a paste so that your brain waves can be monitored. This is very uncomfortable. Not only are these wires attached to your brain, but all over your face, legs, arms and chest. Next, a plastic tubing is stuck inside your nostrils. This is apparently supposed to resemble sleep that is comparable to your normal sleep environment. Really? I am unsure how this is so. Lastly, you are to sleep in a bed where who knows if the sheets are clean and a camera is staring right at you, watching your every move. Oh and remember when I mentioned that I can’t sleep without my husband? Well he wasn’t allowed to stay. So I am alone and uncomfortable, with people staring at me. Sure, this is exactly like home.

Needless to say, these studies were not successful. About two years ago, I finally found a doctor who listened and made me feel comfortable. He performed sleep studies in his immaculate office complex and my husband could stay with me. I made it through the study! The results showed that I had a variety of sleep disorders. Fairly severe sleep apnea was among them. He recommended that I start CPAP therapy right away. I did just that. At first, it seemed to be helpful. Well, just as luck would have it, my asthma started to progress at around that time. The CPAP machine aggravated my lungs. After about 20 minutes of using the machine, I would get severe asthma attacks and need my rescue inhalers. I had to stop the CPAP therapy.

The only other treatment for sleep apnea is an oral appliance, which my insurance does not cover and is very expensive. I am trying to figure out a way to see if my doctor can work with my insurance to show that CPAP is not an option because of my asthma. But until then, my sleep apnea is not being treated. My husband has noticed that I stop breathing more and more at night. This is a very scary reality. But not as scary as what happened a few days ago.

My husband and I share a car right now, so I take him to work in the morning and then head to my job. Lately, I have been so tired. I am trying to go to bed earlier each night, but that doesn’t seem to help. The other day I began dozing off as I was headed to my job. I just couldn’t keep my eyes open. I tried everything I could to keep my peepers popped open wide, but nothing was working. I decided the best thing to do was to pull off to the side of the road. However the cars started to become very blurry on the freeway that I couldn’t make them out and each lane was packed so I couldn’t switch lanes. I started to panic. The next thing I knew, I was jolted awake and a man emerged from a vehicle in front of me. Apparently I FELL ASLEEP WHILE I WAS DRIVING AND CAUSED AN ACCIDENT. I fell asleep while I was driving. How does that even happen? I was in a state of total shock. The day before, I was dozing off as well and made my way into another person’s lane.

At this point driving scares me. It scares me a lot. I am not only a danger to myself, but to everyone else who is on the road. The reason? Extreme exhaustion from untreated sleep apnea. I was extremely lucky. I could have died. Or worse, I could have killed another human being. The lesson here is pretty clear: I need to find a way to get adequate rest, and get it quick. I need to find a way to treat my sleep apnea or it could mean my life. Until those things happen, I cannot get behind the wheel. I wouldn’t be a responsible individual if I did. If for any reason you feel overly tired, disoriented, or have blurry vision, don’t get behind the wheel. It could mean your life or the life of someone else.

Until next time,

Sam

Physical Health is Important; But Not Nearly as Important as Mental Health

If the term “mental health” is associated with a negative connotation for you, you aren’t alone. You are also not alone if the first thought that enters your mind when you hear that phrase is someone talking to animal crackers, crying to a psychologist while sitting on a couch or taking millions of pills a day in order to stay with the majority of us in reality. However, as I have struggled with my own mental health issues over the years, I have realized there is a lot that people do not know about the many facets of mental health, things I still don’t know and struggle to accept and stereotypes I had to overcome in order to first seek treatment.

I had a very dysfunctional, unhealthy and simply awful childhood. As a result, I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I suffer from nightmares and very upsetting and bizarre dreams. I also have difficulty trusting others and their intentions and as a result, struggle to maintain numerous friendships.

I have also been diagnosed with anxiety. I suffered from panic attacks as a child and continue to do so, however less frequently now. My anxiety manifests as racing thoughts, insecurity, paranoia, extreme worry and fear. I can not take a shower or sleep at my house unless my husband is home.

I have thirdly been diagnosed with a bi-polar depression. I have fits of rage, mood swings and periods of moderate to severe depression. However, everything that has been described is controlled through the use of medication. There is one extremely serious contingency though: I need to remember to take it and make it a priority to fill the prescriptions at the pharmacy.

Recently I had a fairly severe episode of withdraw from not taking my medication that controls for the bi-polar depression that I suffer from. I had forgotten (remember the fog brain?) to take it for a couple days, and then made other things a priority instead and didn’t have the funds to pay for the medication once I realized I had run out. I soon realized I was in for some trouble. This is not the first time this has happened with this particular medication. I always begin to get lightheaded and have dizzy spells a few days after I haven’t taken my prescription. That then leads to depression, then rage and then something that will trigger days of a complete meltdown. I am no longer the same person once I hit meltdown mode and there is no reasoning with me. I become someone who thinks that everyone is out to get me and/or try to hurt me and feels as though others don’t understand what I am trying to explain. I am also very unreasonable.

Just to be clear, I take medication for all the above related conditions, and there are consequences for forgetting to take any of them. What is ironic is that when I was first diagnosed with these conditions, I was dead set against taking any medication. I didn’t want to be that person who let a mental illness define you by taking medication. I soon realized that the exact opposite is true. A mental illness defines you if you don’t reign it in, understand it, control it and manage it. Be it through medication or whatever means makes sense for you. In my case taking medication prevents my conditions from defining me and taking over my life. So often I become wrapped up in my physical ailments and the latest medical mystery, that I forget that my mental health is just as important, maybe more so.

I spent a long time feeling too embarrassed to admit that I needed help and being open to different treatment options. If you can relate to this, don’t let this happen to you. Make your mental health a priority so your illness doesn’t take over your life and become the only thing people can define you as.

Until next time,

Sam